The final episode of Season 2 of the TV series Transparent, ends with a question that we should all be able to answer: “Have you mourned your losses?” In the case of the series, the question is directed toward Josh, whose father is the protagonist of the series, a 60 year old individual who has lived life as a man who has just accepted a transgender identity.
In the case of Josh, the question is related to that inexplicable feeling of letting go of the image of a dad to welcome the image of “moppa”, (a term created by his youngest sibling that is the mix of mom and poppa).
For the rest of the world, the question is more general and intends to make us think of the feelings we avoid or file in the depths of our minds and hearts, not even realizing how much they can and do still hurt.
We tend to avoid facing our human feelings. We believe that by hiding or ignoring them we gain control over them; however, those unresolved feelings are the ones that work silently and turn into destructive and incomprehensible attitudes and/or behaviors.
We live in a world where tears and sensitivity are perceived as evidence of weakness. The truth is, with no tears and with no feelings, we can’t be strong, and we’ll never be able to overcome life’s challenges.
Eleven years ago when my first child was born, I broke into pieces, and for the first time in my life I cried, really cried from the depth of my soul. I cried to an extent of not thinking of anything else – I cried my fears out. And since then, I have learned how to cry, and I have overcome my fear with tears.
That day I cried after confirming my child’s diagnosis of Down syndrome. That day I mourned the loss of the child that I once dreamed of. And that same day I welcomed my child, the child who I would love more than my own life.
Three years later when my daughter was born, and was also diagnosed with the same condition, I took a moment to be by myself, to just cry. I was not afraid anymore of crying (or of Down syndrome, for that matter). I already knew the power of letting go in order to embrace the present and celebrate the future. So I did.
During the last couple of months, I’ve cried out the dream of having a “perfect” family. I have accepted that my life and my family are far from typical, even though, for me, they couldn’t be more perfect.
I have mourned the losses of this year 2015, and I am ready to move forward. I wish you a deep encounter with your feelings as the year comes to a close because we all need to mourn our losses. And, trust me, no matter how perfect life may seem to be, we all have our losses which must be acknowledged to make space for those incredible triumphs we so desire.